Day Dream

Today has been quite a peculiar day. One with no energy.  Foggy, rainy, and humid outside. Not being able to see beyond 10 yards in front of you is nice sometimes.

Took Rowdy for a walk this evening. I assume the sun was setting, as the street lights popped on in the haze. 70 degrees outside with 99% humidity in the middle of December.  You don't normally sweat while you walk your dog in December. It felt like summer, so much that I began to wonder why people had Christmas decorations up.  It was a very eerie walk. Hardly any sounds. What you could hear came from ten houses down, sounding like it was happening right next to you.

Walking past houses of old friends and acquaintances from earlier in life, middle school, high school and so on, none of which are still inhabited by the same families, I began to think of the path I was taking, and the ones I have taken before. The spaces, that for some reason, held a memory in my head. Much like that of a child from Family Circus, I began to map out routes I had taken, leaving only dashes behind. I've been in that house. I've walked through that door. I have played in that backyard. I wonder how many times I have been in this exact spot? How many more times will I be right here?  Suddenly snapped back to reality as Rowdy and I nearly became roadkill to a tired 9-to-5er returning home in their SUV.  Probably rushing home from the stressful act of useless gift buying.

We continued our walk with a new heart rate. Thinking that incident would be a nice touch to a future blog entry, we crafted other lines that would sound cool, but unfortunately (or not) we couldn't think of a good ending.

Rowdy and I returned home to find something to do that wouldn't bore us. Nothing yet. Yeah, that ending sucks.

flash back

So I knew this would happen. I was warned about it as well, but I already knew it would arrive, despite my supreme confidence that I could postpone the arrival due to increased maturity since my post-high school days.  I have about had it with living with parents. I know I am only "visiting" but my lack of motivation to finish my thesis is discouraging, prolonging my stay. I have flashed back in time to the days when I would dream of all the places I wanted to go and all the experiences I wanted to have, while being trapped in my bedroom upstairs with no apparent sign of escape. I have found distraction after distraction, excuse after excuse to not work on this thesis, and I don't know why. I will get psyched up to do it sometimes, but that always occurs in the middle of the night as I lay in bed. By morning I am again distracted.  I have made many attempts at different types of motivation, nothing seems to be working......until this. The sooner I am out of here the better. I am not bound here as I once was as a kid, despite my apparent need to think so.  I am leaving, and it will be soon. Tomorrow it begins....or perhaps tonight at 2am if I get the urge.

I need to start compiling my list of adventures again. A mental list seems to get lost, perhaps a physical list is in order.

There ain't moral to this story at all
Everything I tell you
Very well could be a lie
Been away from the livin’
Don’t need to be forgiven
I’m just waiting for that cold black soul of mine
To come alive

Seriously?

Ever feel like some unknown is trying to tell you something, but secretly and subliminally so they don't get caught telling you, leaving you to figure it out for yourself?

Upon writing/typing myself into another deep hole today (not as in physical depth, deep as in, "Whoa man, that's deep!"), I came across another one of those moments you can sometimes come across when contemplating the universe, life's purpose, happiness, and all of that serious stuff. "Why am I here?", etc. For a brief moment, Coincidence seemed to be a very far-fetched idea.

So as I am typing the part of my thesis about meaning, conscious and unconscious thought, making the correct decision between materiality of self and the understanding of self, and the concentration required for knowing one's self, the phone rings. At this time of the day it is commonly a tele-marketer, and I was correct. "If you are interested in joining my venture,...and want to make 40-60% return in the next year,...and have $25,000 liquid now or in the next 3 days....please press 1....".   Seriously??  How could this computer leaving this message know what I am thinking and typing about at this second?  And furthermore, but less important, how could anyone be so stupid as to believe anything a recording tells them?  Whomever is running this 'show' better start coming up with some original material. They are getting a little predictable. Unless you are trying to tell me something, in which case, I get that you are trying, but I can't make any sense of it. Better clues would be helpful, thanks.

I hate how thinking sometimes keeps you from working.  I just can't focus because of how these occurrences seem so planned and scripted. I know it is probably just a weird mood that will pass, similar to the one I get when I watch "The Truman Show" or the first "Matrix". So, as Rowdy licks his butt joyously (and loudly) at my feet, I will strive to get back to typing about Happiness, and what it really is.  As if I have a clue.......however, Rowdy seems to know.

Great, now my head hurts.....time for a nature break.

good wind

We set out again for another evening sail on the bay yesterday afternoon, this time with my visiting Aunt Max and Uncle Em (the CA Wilson's). It was a very nice sail. Good wind. Cool temps. Chatting. Wine. Dinner. Etc. Didn't get back until well after dark. I omitted the obligatory sunset photo last time, but was encouraged to take some this time ("ok, fine!"). Still managed plenty of fuzzy photos, but I did get a few nice ones this go 'round.

** these and a few more on flickr. enjoy. peace.

do it right

"We are travelers on a cosmic journey - stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. But the expressions of life are ephemeral, momentary, transient. Gautama Buddha, the founder of Buddhism, once said,

This existence of ours is as transient as autumn clouds.
To watch the birth and death of beings is like looking at the movements of a dance.
A lifetime is like a flash of lightning in the sky,
Rushing by like a torrent down a steep mountain.

We have stopped here for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. If we share with caring, lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance and joy for each other. And then this moment will have been worthwhile."
     ~ Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

Life is short. Do it right. Peace.

Lazy Sunday

Ahhh!....Sunday. The day of rest. Rowdy and I obey. Living the high life. Here's to the hope that everyone is having a delightful Sunday. peace.

   

some rainy day colors

Not too much going on today. It has been drizzling off and on all day. I have always enjoyed the atmosphere during a good rainy day. Everything gets cleansed and appears brighter and more vibrant in the process. Mom was going out to garden in the rain for a bit, so I decided to take a wander by the garden myself for a few photos.





**can't wait for a real camera. Auto-focus all the way, baby! More [less focused] photos on flickr.

Smooth sailing.

Went out this evening for, if my memory serves me, one of my first hassle free outings on Dad's boat. It seems every time there is something, some slight mishap, or minor failure of equipment that fouls up the trip juuuust enough. Tonight however was quite nice, great breeze, nice seas, and for a second, I was able to forget all the potential hassles of owning a boat, briefly dreaming of having my own one day. I should know better.

Dad and I set out about 4:30 or so, and on one tack off the channel were able to make it all the way out to the other side of NAS. Took a turn for Gulf Breeze, then a slow turn back to the marina. Caught a nice sunset (not shown), and an equally pleasant full-moonrise (shown, to the best of my ability on a rocking boat). It's a long weekend, so maybe we can try to go 2 for 2.

Couple more rockin' attempts on flickr, though they are not very successful with just a point and shoot.

peace.

So....deux

I guess it is time for my annual blog posting. Updates....hmm, let's see.

I have recently graduated from SCAD with a Master of Architecture degree. However the diploma for said degree is being withheld until I turn in my thesis book. Guess they really want the proof that my life sucked over the last few quarters.

I moved from Savannah this last weekend, back to Pace, Florida where I grew up. I will miss Savannah greatly, but will probably miss the people I met there more. College was the last item on my preconceived list of accomplishments that I must do to have a 'good life'. Oh, the mind of a high school kid...I sometimes wish I could return to high school and tell myself not to worry about lists, and to just do whatever you want. Pace is a nice place to sit and think, primarily because there is not much else to do here, but perhaps I am not looking in the right places.

It is a peculiar feeling returning home after so long away. I have visited plenty, and this move still feels like a visit, so I am beginning to fear the realization that I am nearing thirty and living with my parents. All the more incentive to complete the tasks I must do here and move on. I have a quite lengthy to-do list hanging on my wall next to me, just in case I wake up one day guilt-free. By the looks of the list, I could be here for a while. As lists often do, I intend for it to change as time passes, however if it stays the course it could take a good six months to a year to complete. I have a few urgent tasks, namely that damn thesis book, followed by a website, and of course finding a job, but I also have a few 'wants' added in the form of materialistic purchases that I feel necessary to move on with my life in the direction I want. (ha, typing 'I want' only makes me realize I don't need them, ah! why with the self-inflicted guilt?). Again, with these preconceived lists and wants, but I guess that is what people call dreams. I don't know. I don't know what the future holds, but I hope I can let go of some of these lists and just live freely. (perfect timing, Tom Petty.)

If you are down this way, let me know. Rowdy and I could probably use a break from sitting on the back porch reading and writing. That will do for now I suppose.

à bientôt!


p.s. I will be trying to update and maintain this blog a bit more. Be sure to look at some of my friends blogs as well. They are very talented artists and designers that need jobs and people to pay them money to live. So hire them. Peace.