Friday, June 18, 2010

180° SOUTH

Netflix'ed an unknown film the other day and was pleasantly surprised by a beautiful and moving experience. The film only adds to the building fire within to set out into the unknown as I so badly wish to do. It captures so many of my wishes, in fact, it seems as if someone has been recording my dreams and made a documentary of it. :)

"the hardest thing in the world is to simplify your life. it is so easy to make it complex."

Friday, June 11, 2010

Make per Month - May

yep, another simple box. I know it is boring, but I enjoyed giving the last usable pieces of that shipping palette a second life. Not much left is usable.

This time I tried to make a square. Figured that if I couldn't make a square out of wood I probably shouldn't be fooling around with it. I think it came out pretty good. Same as before, plenty of minor flaws, if you want to call them that, but I enjoy them just the same.

Not sure if I will making anything for June yet. Have not decided. Need to return focus to my website and job-hunting and all that jazz during my spare time, whether I like it or not. (plus the World Cup just started, so that may eat at my free time).

Sunday, June 06, 2010


so again, I will admit I am one who....wait. when did this blog become a confessional? ........hmm, well, whatever works.

Yea, I am jumped on my fair share of bandwagons over the years. I have seen aspects of myself that echo that of the Agent Smith mantra, that being we humans are "a disease", spreading and consuming like a virus. I discover something that is enjoyable, it is consumed relentlessly until there is nothing left of either it or myself, or both.

The other half of this is patient, strength, willpower, all that other stuff that sounds amazing, but requires a completely opposite state of mind. While this has been my latest craze, I haven't really acted upon it. I still consume and waste, wandering aimlessly in a pattern that in the end will lead nowhere. It is only the brief glimpses of this other side, this patient/willpower side, that snap one out of the 'virus' mode.

The thing is, you can never be on one side or the other completely. Some little spark will always light up when you get to far to one side, reminding you that the other side has benefits that you want to experience, forget the consequences. Ultimately there is only one consequence that really matters, one that you can't overcome or out live, and that is death. And to many, that isn't even a consequence.

Both of these sides are just testing the boundaries of our living life. One protects and secures us from pain, though it tends to be inherently boring in the end, the other brings as close to death as possible though excitement and immediate pleasure. I will agree that these sides exist, but not that one is better than the other. What bothers me is the idea of self-balancing these sides. We aren't in control of most what happens to us, though that doesn't mean we didn't bring it on to our self.

I have had my spurts of spontaneity over the years (call them bandwagons if you like, whatever) but they always fizzle to monotony. The monotony builds, filling the desire for radical change until there is an explosion of something new. While what I do probably isn't nearly as exciting as what other people do on a daily basis, I really don't care. I have to make my life enjoyable, and while much of that for me includes making others happy, the root of it all remains to be my happiness. And I that is not selfish, that is the truth.

Over the last year or so of discovering more deeply this other side, the patience/willpower side, I feel I have learned a great deal about myself, and have indeed strengthened my desire for a greater understanding of peace. However, I can feel myself raising the bar of patience, raising the bar of monotony, meaning that when the explosion comes it will be without question greater than the last, and further out to left field than before. There will be no explanation. No apparent reason to the casual observer. While I assure there is little I do without reason, even if that reason is complete spontaneity. Now I see this a completely positive thing, and I await this next "thing", I wonder if it is healthy, "good in the long run", etc. But then a second later, I don't care. What is the point of living and breathing if you are constantly questioning everything? You think that is air you are breathing?

SO...I keep seeing large, distant opportunities that would be great changes. Few of them are related to Architecture unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I can't tell. Why is trying to live in the moment seem so difficult? If I keep waiting for the 'spark' everything will just walk right on by, so I may just pick the next thing that comes along. Why not?

Wednesday, June 02, 2010


So I am sitting in the auto service shop today, waiting for my oil to be changed in the Jeep, trying to read...but I become distracted by the conversation of other waiting patrons who are watching the news up on the corner TV. According to the tone of their conversation, the approaching oil spill in the Gulf is the first sign of the apocalypse. Our lives are over. Pity us. Blame this. Blame that. It's the president's fault, etc, etc.

I wanted to say so badly that it wasn't anyone's fault but their own. They are demanding this oil to be obtained. Though I had to restrain myself, as I had no place to I am waiting for my oil to be my gasoline driven vehicle. Again I am reminded that there is never a reason to blame anyone else for what is happening in your own life.

The "Oil Forecast" (which the scrawny little weatherman dude on the local news has adopted to his forecast; there are doppler-like graphs and everything) says that the oil should be arriving tomorrow. Lovely. Perhaps I should visit the beach tomorrow and take one last look at the snowy white sand.

Yeah, it is going to suck...probably for a long time, but it is not the end of the world. These are simply the consequences of our collective actions. Hopefully it will help change the minds of us oil-consumers to find other means of energy and other modes of transportation.

respect karma.