...so today I am finally beginning to feel as if something is different. Something has changed; something is different. Ah, yes! No overwhelming thesis burden. Over the last month or so, I managed to crack down on distractions the best I could and cranked out this Master of Arch. thesis project. It's done. woohoo! party! yea!!
Yea, ok. So there was minimal fanfare, though that is to be expected. Several 'congratulations' from important people, which felt good on the inside. Though deep down there, on the inside, I know the project is only just started. When people ask what my thesis was about I can hardly answer them. Sometimes I just say it was a 'community center', other times I will just add a recital of the title hoping that it will suffice. Then there are the surprising times when I explain it perfectly, making me wish for a personal dictator to rewind the tape so I can hear it explained for myself. These brief moments provide the comfort I need to move on. Yea, maybe I can't describe it right every time, but it's in there somewhere. If we hang out enough, maybe it will pop out one day while you are around.
Looking back I can see clearly that this project is exactly what I wanted it to be. Some of the first writings in my sketchbook/journals were about the level of self-education that must exist, the open minded-ness for change that must exist, and the acceptance of ignorance that must exist. This project was a self-education. It awakened something new within me that I cannot fully explain; something which provides great optimism as I know it has yet to be fully realized, leaving the opportunity to remain out there for the taking. I have no idea what to do next, what the next step in my life is, only that there is nothing holding me back from attaining anything I want. A view on life which has also revealed how much other people are unhappy, constantly complaining instead of doing, solving, adjusting themselves to reach for happiness. The phrase "I would love to do that, but I can't because...." has become all too common in my conversations with others, and is quickly becoming a pet-peeve. Seriously, you are going to surrender your short life experience on such a flimsy excuse? For your sake, I hope you reconsider. I know it has become cliche, but you can do anything you want at any time.....yes, right now, tomorrow, whenever you want. There are no excuses; minus one, the questioning the quality of your own decision making. You are where you are because you chose to be. Nothing else.
I have been telling myself that I need to make a list of things I would like to do, just to get all the ideas visible at once, as they are currently scattered and ranging greatly in effort and direction. Last night I finally sat down and made a crude list. Perhaps I will revise it and post it later.
Ok, that is enough time behind the computer for the moment. Time to go enjoy the day. I am not sure where I first heard this advice, but I find its application brings immediate calm. Make it a daily practice to open a window. Do it while driving, while at the office, while at home. Just open it up and you will feel better, immediately grounded and reconnected to your world. Disregard the weather. If you cannot accept all forms of weather as pleasant and necessary, how can you expect to live happily?
peace.
